Never Shoot Where You Eat

Who does the public call for all that “weird emergency stuff?”

You know- the stuff the cops can’t handle?

According to a report from The Philadelphia Daily News, someone in Merion, Pennsylvania called the cops for a ten forty-five: orange chicken at large in my yard- cluckin’ and maybe even poopin’ all over the place.

Ten forty-fives are not covered with any real depth at the Academy.  While the responding officer may not have been really experienced or prepared for this specific type of situation, it still needed mitigating.

I’d like to think that the officer, an unidentified eight-year veteran, finally decided he should ask himself one question- the same obvious question any good cop would normally ask himself in this situation:

“Hmmm.  Do I know anyone that could shoot this chicken with a bow and arrow?”

Yes, he does know someone that could shoot this chicken with a bow and arrow.  His firefighter buddy!

So, the firefighter buddy is summoned to the scene of the calamity, and not unexpectantly, shoots the chicken- with a bow and arrow.

Then, he eats the chicken.

Uh-oh… Turns out the firefighter’s meal was named Connie- a beloved pet from a nearby yard who had flown the coop a day earlier.  If only Connie had been fitted with the invisible fence collar, she might be here today.

Although the pet owner doth complained vociferously, Police Lieutenant Christopher Polo said no crime was committed and a chicken isn’t protected under state game laws, and can be shot with a bow and arrow by a hungry firefighter called to the scene of a 10-45 by his buddy cop friend.

But he says the officer could have used better judgment.

I say there’s a lesson here for all of us:

Never shoot where you eat.

2 Comments

  • Dave Statter says:

    No John, you didn't beat me to this one. I had it in this morning's Quick Takes.

    What you did do was demoralize me. I was very proud of what I had written (see below). Once I saw your headline I realized my goose was cooked. That may be the best headline of the year for any of us. As my good friend Rhett Fleitz recently hinted, less is better in the headline writing department. You proved it.

    Statter

    Why did the firefighter cross the road? Apparently to kill the chicken: No, the next riddle is not why did the chicken where red suspenders, but it might as well be with this silly story. Much is being made in Lower Merion, Pennsylvania about the police officer, when confronted with a large chicken “terrorizing” a neighborhood, called in his buddy the bow and arrow toting firefighter. The firefighter ended up having a nice dinner, but the meal turned out to be someone’s pet (I don’t recall this transgression coming up in the recent report on firefighters behaving badly … clearly we overlooked something). Click here to find out if someone can turn this bad turn of events into chicken salad.

  • Dave Statter says:

    No John, you didn't beat me to this one. I had it in this morning's Quick Takes.

    What you did do was demoralize me. I was very proud of what I had written (see below). Once I saw your headline I realized my goose was cooked. That may be the best headline of the year for any of us. As my good friend Rhett Fleitz recently hinted, less is better in the headline writing department. You proved it.

    Statter

    Why did the firefighter cross the road? Apparently to kill the chicken: No, the next riddle is not why did the chicken where red suspenders, but it might as well be with this silly story. Much is being made in Lower Merion, Pennsylvania about the police officer, when confronted with a large chicken “terrorizing” a neighborhood, called in his buddy the bow and arrow toting firefighter. The firefighter ended up having a nice dinner, but the meal turned out to be someone’s pet (I don’t recall this transgression coming up in the recent report on firefighters behaving badly … clearly we overlooked something). Click here to find out if someone can turn this bad turn of events into chicken salad.

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John Mitchell

Firefighter/Paramedic and a Lieutenant in suburban Chicago

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